37

Aside from spending about 30 minutes pulling gray hair out of my head last night in front of the bathroom mirror, I don't FEEL old enough to be 37.  When I was my nieces age, people in their 30s, especially late 30s, were just....well, old.  37 is definitely an age that I've had in my mind as being a significant year.  First, it will be 10 years this year since I lost my mom.  That is a whole decade without the guidance, the companionship and the love of a mother.  Unbelievable.  I really didn't think I could function after she died and yet here I am 10 years later.  And also because 37 was the deadline for ever having a career in federal law enforcement, as I had once planned.  There was a fork in the road 10 years ago and I chose the military-wife-and-eventually stay-at-home-mom-and-give-up-pursuring-a-career-as-a-federal-agent path.  I left the awesome job I had with IRS Criminal Invesitgations to create this new life with Jay.  Every now and then, I have glimpses of what my life could've been had I chosen that other path chasing criminals and moving up the GS ladder and to be honest, sometimes I yearn for my old identity....but I know I would not be as happy as I am right in this moment with my family and the life that Jay and I have made for ourselves.  Nothing in federal law enforcement could ever make up for potentially missing any moment of these past 5 1/2 years of being at home with my children.  No paycheck could ever be worth it for me not having an opportunity to hang out with these cool little guys.  I count my blessings every day that I am able to do this, as I know staying at home is not for everyone, and neither is being a military wife.  So, I pull out the gray hair and stare at the wrinkles laugh lines bittersweetly, embracing that indeed it means I am getting older, but by gosh, I am thankful for them because it means I'm happy and I am living life; I'm thankful for the toys and the messes I have to clean up because it means my boys are active and healthy; I'm thankful for the 5 AM texts I get wishing me happy birthday because it means I have people that care about me; I'm thankful for the dishes in the sink and the piles of laundry on the floor because it means we have food to eat and clothes to wear; and heck, I am even thankful for the gray hair because it means I HAVE hair.  So to my family and friends, thank you for being a part of my life and allowing me to be a part of yours.  Here's to another 37....:)