A Sad Day

Pictured here in happier times

I spent the morning at my dad's place, watching he and his wife and a slew of other people pack their things into a U-Haul.  The house that I once called a home, where countless memories were made with my parents, my brother and our extended family, is now an empty shell.  I didn't stay for the grand finale, as I knew it would be too hard to watch my dad drive away.  My eyes tear up just thinking about it.  As a kid, and even as an adult, you don't think about ever having to say goodbye in that way.  You know goodbye is inevitable, but there is no way to prepare for it.  Even as tumultuous as my relationship with my dad has been over the past few years and as much as I thought I would be okay with him moving on, I realize that it is impossible to ever be okay with saying goodbye.  My dad was diagnosed with cancer earlier this year and after an operation this summer to remove all of his bladder and part of a kidney, the cancer has returned.  He is now undergoing chemo.  I can't explain how hard it has been to see my dad, the man who was always so strong and noble, whom I admired so much when I was growing up, become this 120 lb person who can barely walk from one room to another without having to catch his breath.  It is a humbling experience.  A few weeks ago, Jay and I came to the realization that we needed to bury the hatchet and let bygones be bygones for the sake of our relationship with my dad.  Nothing has ever felt so right.  Life is so precious and so short to be bogged down by petty nonsense.  Now all we want to do is right some wrongs and be a family again, my dad needs that more than anything.  He and his wife are moving to a place near Seattle to be closer to his treatment center.  It is not too far away, but the fact is, he will not be at the place we've always known him to be.  When we drive by the house, we will no longer see his green truck in the driveway.  But when you close a door, usually a window opens up and despite my sadness, our outlook is positive.  We will be working hard this month to clean, paint, repair, remove and replace years of "living" to prep it for new renters.  I'm actually excited to bring the house back to life and give it some well needed TLC.  I think it will be a source of healing and redemption for all involved and a way to honor my parents and the house they bought together almost 23 years ago.