A Valentine For My Mom

Scotty with a baby pic of my mom

This February 14, Valentine's Day, marks what would've been my mom's 59th birthday. She's been gone almost eight years now. I don't talk about my mom much, usually only when asked about her. I don't usually dwell on the past or waste energy on things I cannot change. Life is what it is and it keeps on going despite desperate wishes to stop precious moments in time. I think I am a pretty strong person, but naturally my emotions do get the better of me. Sometimes when I look at my boys, I think about her and how much she would've adored them. When Scotty does something silly, I can almost hear her laughing. I can picture her holding Zac and playing with both of them. I can see her beautiful smile and her eyes light up when she looks at them. I wonder how it can be possible to have a vision of something that's never actually happened? Maybe it's my heart's wish playing out in my mind. I remember how she was with my nieces; the perfect grandma. Everything you think a grandma should be, she definitely was. Their memories of her are short, but fortunately mine is long. At the time my mom passed, I was no where near having children of my own, so I never asked the ever important questions about motherhood. There is so much I want to know from her and about her and no one to tell me. My dad tries. My aunt tries. But their memories will never compare to first-hand accounts that my mother could've provided. Though I had 27 years with my mom, there is so much she has missed in these past eight. I feel I've done most of my true 'growing up' during this time and all I've had to help lead me is her memory. My brother is one of my best friends, but we don't speak of my mom very often. We don't have to. I actually find comfort in the silence, knowing he shares my grief, understands my heartache and feels the void that no one else could possibly fathom. I sure do miss her. I lead a pretty fortunate life; I have a family that I love, a roof over my head, and many, many things to be thankful for. I just wish she was here to share it.